Archive for the ESPN Category

The NFL & ESPN Knew Brett Favre Would Return Way Back in April

ESPN‘s Monday Night Football schedule was released back on Apr. 14, 2009.  The fifth game in four weeks to be broadcast by the network was to be the Green Bay Packers at the Minnesota Vikings.  Coincidence, right?

I can’t believe that.  Call me crazy (and I’m sure a few of you will), but that game was put on the primetime schedule for a reason, and that reason signed a two-year deal with the Vikings yesterday.

Brett Favre’s “return” to football in a Vikings’ jersey was a certainty.  I believed that Favre may have influenced that likelihood in another B/R article.  I think that in order to leave the Jets and join the Vikings his way, Favre had to intentionally lose games to get his wish.

That wish is now a reality.

Yet that reality is now a financial boon for both the NFL and ESPN.  Without a doubt, the Oct. 5th Monday night matchup of the Packers and Vikings will be the highest rated NFL game during the regular season.

Other games scheduled for Monday Night Football early in the season have clear reasons to be in the prime-time lineup. 

The first game of the opening night double-header marks not just Tom Brady’s return to the NFL (for which ESPN had long ago filmed promo spots), but Terrell Owens’ first official game in a Bills’ uniform.  Game two features NFL poster boy Peyton Manning vs. the “wildcat” Dolphins.  Game three, America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys.  Even game five, which again features the Dolphins, exists on the schedule if simply to be a marketing tool for the NFL’s further courting of the Latino market as it kicks off a “Hispanic Heritage Month Celebration.”

Amid these pre-planned games lies the Packers vs. Vikings matchup.  If neither the NFL nor ESPN thought Favre’s return (in a Vikings’ uniform, no less) was possible, then why put that game in prime-time?  Just in case?  He “retired.”  And was released.  Favre was out of football.

Yes, a Packers/Vikings game is a rivalry game.  Yes, Peterson and Rodgers are rising stars.  Their matchup would still be a marketable game, but with the crown jewel of Favre facing the Packers for the first time, it’s now a bonanza.

Favre’s return was orchestrated.  It is a soap opera meant to draw viewers, increase interest and ratings, and sucker the fans into caring.

His signing with the Vikings is not about winning games or bettering the team, it is about marketing.  Check the ticket and jersey sales for the Vikings in the past 24 hours. 

Will the Vikings’ organization care if the team still ends up 8-8 and out of the playoffs?  Their money just got made, compared to last season when there were a few games that almost didn’t sell-outs in time to avoid a TV blackout in Minnesota.

The NFL knew Favre would be back, that he’d be the Vikings’ QB, and that on Monday night, Oct. 5th, fans from coast to coast will be tuning in to ESPN to see what happens.


Brett Ousts John As The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave


Watch the kids, and bury your valuables. Like a troll emerging from under a bridge to see if the coast is clear, it is time for POINTLESS PONDERING. The series resurrected as the Favre roars on and on.


What the heck is with ESPN? How much further can this network sink? They wallow in depths so low, that even the National Enquirer and other tabloids wouldn’t go near.


After stalking the Favre Debacle for the past two years, they have lost the last shred of journalistic credentials they once had. Why is the media so in love with Favre that he gets a pass on all of the things he has done? If it were Donovan McNabb, he would have been railroaded out of the league by now.


From pain pill addiction, criticising team mates constantly, jerking his employer around, texting his media buddies non stop at every turn = it is pathetic to see one guy command so much attention.


I have long said ESPN is stalking paparrazi. These past few weeks just solidify my stance.


Favre? Well, I have a new term for him that I invented. I will submit it to Websters for entry into the 2009 dictionary. Hyckocrite.


Though the media has a bust made for ther best buddy already waiting in Canton. there is the other side to this crusty coin. Teams deal with cancers like T.O. and Ocho Cinco, so they can deal with Brett. If you look at all the lousy quarterbacks on rosters in the NFL this year…maybe a team could use about 20 TD’s…..and 27+ turnovers next season.


Did anyone watch the Packers game on a Monday night last year?


I don’t know what was more obscene : ESPN’s pre-game show all waving, “Hi” to Brett Favre, after theorizing he was watching, or Tony Kornholes relentless blubbering all game long.


ESPN loves Favre, and tell their talking heads to blather incessantly about him as much as possible. It got rather sexual, at one point, and both of the other talking heads had to plead for Tony to give it a rest. I wonder if they got reprimanded for that?


I have long stated what a lousy journalist Kornhole, the WORST broadcaster in MNF history, is here in D.C. He started out in the Style section, which is about dresses, flowers, and other similar subjects.

After a mass exodus of the good writers from the Washington Post, they had to fill spots. They let Kornhole do his lame Jack Benny impression once a week, and promoted Chicago homer Michael Wimponandonandon.

Brett loves attention. His countless texting to his media buddies, including Kornhole, is proof. Still, I imagine even he was contemplating being sickened to his stomach over that on-air fellatio fest.


Now turn on ESPN for your 24 hour Favre coverage. They have been perched like vultures for this moment, so they won’t let you down in turning their network into his personal reality show.


If you hadn’t noticed since last seasons conclusion, his name was mentioned on virtually every show the network carried daily. As if they were paid to do so.


The question is : Will YOU buy into it?



For those too young to understand the title = John Belushi had a skit on Saturday Night Live (when the show was good) titled “The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave”.





Future Breaking Brett Favre News From ESPN

After staking out Brett Favre in his living quarters at the Vikings training camp, ESPN reporter Chris Mortensen has filed this report on his networks website:

9 PM : Brett calls his wife and asks which bag did she pack his codeine and Seconal.

9:15 PM : Brett takes eight pills from three unmarked prescription bottles, and chases it down with a glass of “special” water curiously kept in a Absolout Vodka bottle.

9:32 PM : Brett feels and itch on his butt and scratches it. His arm appears OK.

9:43 – 11:27 PM : Brett text messages 1,296 of his media friends for a minute by minute update report on what he thinks and feels.

11:28 PM : Brett sneezes, coughs, then burps. His arm still appears OK.

11:29 PM : Brett masturbates.

11:30 PM : Brett finishes masturbating. His arm still appears OK.

11:31 PM : I read Brett his favorite story not about him = “The Little Engine That Could”

11:46 PM : Brett and I kiss good night.

11:47 PM – 6:14 AM : Brett sleeps. He rolls around five times, but his arm still appears OK.

6:15 AM : Brett awakens to my beaming face. Gosh, is he beautiful!

6:16 AM : I draw Brett’s bubble bath, and put his favorite rubber ducky in it.

6:18 AM : Brett comes into the bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror.

6:41 AM : Brett stops looking at himself for a minute to locate his toothbrush.

6:57 AM : Brett starts to brush his teeth, spending three seconds on each tooth.

6:59 AM : Brett finishes brushing his teeth. His arm still appears OK.

7:00 AM : ESPN takes his spit out toothpaste, and packages it for display in the ESPN front lobby at Bristol, CT.

7:01 AM : Brett sits on a toilet specially designed by ESPN.

7:02 AM : Brett drops 14 ounces of offerings. It’s fairly solid, light brown, and tastes like he had eaten broiled salmon a few days ago. His arm still appears OK.

7:06 AM : I wipe Brett’s sphincter happily, and package the used toilet paper so it can be displayed in the ESPN front lobby at Bristol, CT along with his offering.

7:12 AM : Brett steps into his bath and soaks. His arm still appears OK.

7:56 AM : I wash and rinse Brett, then dry off his body. Gosh, is he beautiful!

8:06 AM : I dress Brett in his favorite outfit, then walk him to the teams cafeteria to eat breakfast.

8:14 AM : We sit at Brett’s table, which is sectioned off from the rest of the team.

8:15 AM : Brett consumes eight scrambled eggs, two pieces of plain toast, and three glasses of grape juice. His arm still appears OK.

8:18 AM : I burp Brett. Gosh, is he beautiful!

8:20 AM : Sal Paolantonio takes Brett for the day. His arm still appears OK.

8:21 AM : Though I REALLY miss Brett, I must type up this report. I cannot wait to see him later tonight.

8:59 AM : As I complete this report, Chris Berman calls me to tell me that ESPN is trying to get Roger Goodell to implement a rule where non-media is not allowed to touch, or speak to Brett. This especially applies to games.

9:07 AM : I get informed by George Bodenheimer, ESPN’s current president, that the Brett Favre statues being built on the inside of all offices and homes of ESPN employees, will be completed by this weekend. They will then put statues in the front and back yards of all ESPN employees offices and homes by Tuesday.


Dear ESPN: Brett Favre Did Not Invent Football


Alright, I’ve officially had it.

How much Disney stock does Brett Favre have in his portfolio? The way their subsidiary ESPN talks, you would think Favre was the company’s majority shareholder.

Enough with this guy already. He’s finished. Ask any Jets fan.

But ESPN won’t let go. NEWSFLASH: He did not invent the game of football. Every day, ESPN dedicates hours to following the Brett Favre “saga.” I say: Who the hell cares?

Viking fans? They should be protesting the signing of this guy! Do they think he is actually going to get them to the next level? They better think again. He’s done!

For years, Favre tortured Viking fans as a Packer. Now he will do it as a Viking.

Think of it this way, they’ve played 43 Super Bowls in NFL history. Favre has been to only two, winning one. That was way over a decade ago, by the way.

He ain’t goin’ back to another, either. He should have hung up his cleats after that piss-poor pass in the NFC Championship game vs the Giants that was picked off.

Even if Favre is right, he’s still too much of a maverick, still deviates from the playbook, and still has the propensity to lose games by trying to win them all by himself.

Those days of heroics are over for Favre.

He should walk away now. I would hate to see something bad happen to him physically. He already has begun tarnishing his legend.. thanks to ESPN – the Sports Overkill Network.